Creating A Safety Net – Beware The Frenzy

Hello again! It’s been quite a while since I first intended to do this series but at last I’m making progress. In a way, the balance I was striving for served as a good reminder for this topic because of what frenzy can do, whether it’s being swept up in a new kink, a new partner, or just the lifestyle in general! Even when things seem balanced and steady, frenzy can still happen as the excitement and shining new thing fill you with emotion and begin to take some of the place of logic and reasoning and processing.

So, what is frenzy? What I personally think it comes down to is an overstimulated nervous system. With something so interesting and exciting and thrilling, it can move the system away from logical thinking to more emotional driven action. We are adults and so our decision making skills and ability to think ahead should be fairly stable, strong, and developed by our mid-20’s or so. However, different things and situations can cause a shift back to a different part of our brain, or at least a struggle between our developed, logical brain and our more primitive, emotional brain we used primarily as children when we were not capable of self control or thinking through our consequences. Because of this, it’s important to be aware of frenzy.

There are different kinds of frenzy and how you are affected by it can vary. Some commonly heard types of frenzy include sub frenzy, dom frenzy, kink specific frenzy, and general kink frenzy.

I’ll start with sub frenzy to paint an idea of what frenzy can look and feel like. Sub frenzy, put simply, is the urge and drive to submit. This particular frenzy can be triggered when someone first discovers or acknowledges their submissive side and needs to submit and serve. Submission can be a want or it can be a need, but usually it is a part of someone on the right side of the slash. Some only need a bit of submission to feel fulfilled while others need more intensity and depth to it. They might feel an urge to show their grace and ability to serve and hope for pleasing someone so as to feel happy and proud themselves, perhaps even with purpose for some. Some slowly start to explore and understand this side of them. Others want to go straight into it and perhaps it might lead to a frantic search for a Dominant or acting subservient to everyone on the left side of the slash because it can maybe, kind of satisfy their drive to submit. There is nothing inherently wrong about either form of expression and exploration; however, this can become dangerous when someone gets so overwhelmed by the emotional excitement and urgency that they submit to anyone or without using caution. Predators will take full advantage of this frenzy, lulling the overly excited and eager submissive into a false sense of safety or satisfaction from finding someone to serve or belong to. In actuality, they may use this frantic energy to encourage the submissive type to rush through negotiations, if they even happen at all. In the rush and urgency to serve and submit and please, some submissives might even ignore their own limits because they must do well and not lose this connection and dive ever deeper into their submission. That is, until the rush wears off and reality sets in. This is not what they want. This is not what they enjoy. This is not what their submission is. Frenzy can sometimes lead to harsh lessons learned and, at times, far worse. It can be painful to come out of if they were preyed upon by those knowledgeable enough to recognize it but morally bereft to be kind, help guide, or move on from someone in the throes of their own passion and desires. Sometimes it can lead to wanting or even needing to shut that part of themselves down because of those experiences. It’s a potentially delicate time and easy to fall into.

Dominant types can fall into their own frenzy. They can harm themselves, but they can also harm those that trust them with their submission. That is not to say submissives can’t do the same since Dominants trust their submissives to let them know if something goes too far and if they cause harm during a sub’s frenzy, that can also cause its own form of trauma or pain. However, Dominants need control. This need comes in two ways: the actual need for control over someone to satisfy their desires and the need to control themselves to avoid crossing a line. The first type of control can fall to frenzy by way of taking on more submissives than is feasible for themselves. Each bond is one of trust, connection, time, energy, and more. The more bonds, the more strain on each of those things whether it’s because of finite things like time or more than someone is capable of handling like tracking one too many lists of limits and kinks. What may happen with the end of frenzy in this case is the relinquishing of control, leading to pain from the end of a dynamic and any emotions that may come with that from sadness to resentment. As for the other type of control, that form of frenzy can lead to more dangerous consequences depending on the situation and dynamic. When a submissive calls out their safe word, they trust their Dominant to follow their agreement and stop or at least check in. It is possible that, in a moment of frenzy, that the Dominant cannot keep themselves in check and continues, whether it’s one more or many more because of the rush, the adrenaline, the power. It might also be that they go harder than they should or realize because of how wrapped up they get in the thrill of the moment and wanting to experience that over and over. The end result can be harming their partner, harming their relationship, and even harming their own confidence in their abilities.

As for the other types of frenzy, they can have the same effects and consequences as the sub and Dom frenzies. It all comes down to the thrill, the rush, the joy of discovering a new or deeper part of yourself. At this point, I cannot stress enough that it is not all about self control. We are human. We are animalistic. We have instincts with urges and desires to go with those instincts. Sometimes our own natural bodies and brains will go against those instincts or run wild with them, it just depends. Someone with little self control might never have frenzy. Someone with an iron will can succumb to it. We have three parts to our brain and sometimes the base of it can lead to what some call a reptile brain where logic, reason, looking to the future, and consequences can become foggy or even obstructed. That is not to say it can’t be stopped or preventes. It can be unpredictable, but awareness can help especially if you find that you are susceptible or simply want to be ready. It can be easy to want to go looking for partners and kinks and toys and all the deliciously dark and devious things the kink world has to offer! But building up your safety net will keep you, well, safe! It will make it more likely that you will have someone looking out for you, whether as a friend or because it’s been negotiated. You will have the tools in your box to pull out so you can stay empowered to advocate for your safety, needs, and wants even if that includes giving up power to someone else in a power exchange. There may be bumps along your journey and they may not be bad, perhaps more frustrating or annoying than harmful and I sincerely hope that is the case! But life is unpredictable, kink is unpredictable, frenzy is unpredictable. Take care of yourself so you can enjoy your journey and use those bumps along the way as lessons learned instead of them turning into big falls or darkness that can lead to fear or anxiety in your exploration or even the end of your kink journey when you weren’t ready for its end rather than the joy and satisfaction and thrill of connecting with those parts of you. I say it a lot, and I’ll keep saying it – keep yourself safe so you can keep enjoying your journey another day.

I’ll be including some links for further reading and research at the bottom, though please never hesitate to start a discussion with me regarding any questions, concerns, or feedback!

May your journey be as dark as you desire but never a darkness that seeps into your very soul to rob the light and may you always find yourself, your passions, and your own kink world (however that may look) so that you may enjoy this other piece life has to offer.

Love always and well wishes,

Miss Lunissa ❤

Additional reading:

1. Kate Kinsey: Sub-Frenzy

2. Limits Unleashed: Frenzy In BDSM (Touches on dom frenzy as well)

3. Submissive Guide: When Submissives Go Wild: Sub Frenzy

4. Ms. Morgan Thorne: Ask – Submissive Frenzy & Dominant Frenzy

5. Jolynn Raymond: What Is Sub Frenzy and Am I In Danger Of Having It?

Note: I’ll keep an eye out for more articles besides sub frenzy but you may also find that it is heavily focused on because many find it to carry more risk

#Consent #BDSM #SelfCare #Frenzy #Safety